How to Write Wedding Vows That Feel Personal (Without the Panic)

Writing your own vows can feel overwhelming. Where do you start? How do you make them meaningful, but not cringe? Heartfelt but not cliche? As a celebrant who has helped countless couples navigate this moment, I’ve gathered my top tips for writing heartfelt, memorable wedding vows—without the stress.

1. Start Early (Sooner Than You Think)

Don’t wait until the week of your wedding. Give yourself space to think, reflect, and revise. Set a reminder in your calendar at least a month out to start jotting down ideas and little moments you cherish. Personal Vows give you the opportunity to express what your partner means to you and anything you wish to say to them about your commitment to them. You could focus on what your love means in terms of your intentions and actions. Describe the type of support you will contribute to help create the happy life you want to share with them and how excited you are.

2. Reflect on Your Journey

Think about the small, everyday things you love about your partner—not just the big moments you’ve shared. What do they do that makes you laugh? What moment made you realise you wanted to be with them forever?

3. Keep It Short and Sweet

Aim for 1–2 minutes max when spoken aloud. That’s around 150–200 words – about half a typed page. Emotion counts more than length of time. A shorter vow spoken from the heart in your own words is always more powerful than a longer one read nervously. Start by writing down three or four bullet points that you want to express and then expand your thoughts with an example or description.

4. Add a Personal Touch

Include something only the two of you would truly understand—a funny memory, a shared habit, or a private promise. These details will make your vows feel unique and true to your relationship.

5. Don’t Stress About Being a Poet

Speak from the heart, not in words you think sound impressive. Write like you’re talking to your partner on a quiet Sunday morning—not like you’re delivering a speech to a crowd.

6. Practice Aloud (With Tissues Nearby)

Reading your vows out loud, will help you refine the speed as you speak and vary the tone of your voice to sound natural. You’ll also notice where you might get a bit emotional – which is something that is welcome at a moment like this and you just need to learn to take a deep breath, slow yourself down and you will be fine. Practicing builds confidence.

7. Decide Whether to Share Vows in Advance

Some couples want their vows to be a surprise, while others agree to share them in advance to make sure they feel aligned in tone and length. There’s no right answer—just go with what feels right for you both. If you want feedback and direct guidance as your Celebrant, I offer you the opportunity to send me your vows separately so I can offer helpful advice – keeping the content a surprise for the day. My couples often just want me to let them know if they have a balance in the length of their vows or if there is something they could expand on or leave out. At times one person may be very verbally expressive and the other is more comfortable expressing their feelings through actions and you just need some idea if your vows are balanced.

8. Have a Back-Up Copy Ready

Even if you plan to memorise your vows, always have a printed copy on quality card. Your celebrant (hi, that’s me!) can even hold onto it for you on the day. Trust me—your nerves will thank you.

Final Thought
Your vows are a gift to each other. Keep them honest, personal, and true to your story—and they’ll be remembered long after the confetti settles.

Need help refining your vows? As your celebrant, I can guide you through the process, offer gentle feedback, or help with vow cards and presentation on the day. Let’s make your words truly unforgettable.
Contact Carol to chat about your ceremony.